What did i ever do to deserve this?

I understand you 

I care for you
I worry about you 

I love you 

I dont want you to get hurt
We are always here for you ..

I'm sick of all this things you ever said to me ! I'm soo soo tired of all this shit ! Do you even know how stressful am i right now ? DO YOU?! NO! YOU DONT ! and there you are yapping here and there backstab me together with that younger son and daughter of yours .. Dude seriously!! I'm so tired now .. i cant spill it out .. closest friends all coupled and ditch me .. They barely answer my calls.. my message .. my post .. I lost everyone in this 7 month .. All i left is you ! my family ! and yea this is what i always get .. 

You said i am very sensitive .okay yea i am but cant you see i'm trying my best not to ?me bad temper ? yea i agree with that .. do you wanna know why ? you guyz were the one who turn me into this .. When i'm having problem , i can't tell you ! why you asked? cause you can't even settle ur own problems . How am i suppose to tell you ? Yes i got college mate but what can they do ? i got two besties in college but i cant tell them too.. they themselves are having problem too .. How am i suppose to tell them ? Is this the reason that  i was born ? To suffer .. If it is i wished i never was borned .. 

Love your family because they will always be the one who cares for you no matter what?
Dude this is bullshit ! i used to keep that in mind but all of you just love to destroy what was in my mind what i kept believeing and what i kept myself moving on thinking that nah thats true they care for me they love me . Now i finally understand .That statement there is just for dumb ppl like me to believe it .. 

Now i'm just falling apart again .. crying silently in this cold and dark night ..sobbing .. tearing.. and a dying heart ..... and you are just down there laughing thinking that all this was some sort of comedy .. yea i'm so "proud" to have you all as my family.. DAMN PROUD .. 

珍惜＜3

Yoyo !! 哈哈宝贝们~我知道你们俩会读完这个post吧^^因为这是我要告诉你们的话哦XD
我的华语很烂请多多体谅*bow*

首先就是本大小姐~~~~

亲爱的BAKA
咱们是在the one ,avh1外面的厕所认识的:)哈哈哈对别人来说可能很恶心可是对我来说是一件很开心的事:DDDD
我这个大笨蛋有你这种Baka 做朋友真是~~~~!!!有够Baka 咯!! XD hahahahaa 开玩笑的啦:3 其实哦，每一次我们在一起的时候我都觉得好高心!!
我们俩在这么短的时间都可以便的这么要好,我相信我们永远都会是好朋友：）

虽然我们都要进不同的major ，然后会有很少的时间在一起，但是哦我觉得我们还是会和现在一样咯只有一个东西不一样：）就是我们已经比进the one 的第一天pro了很多！！

我在此要感谢BAKA 大人的教导!!T^T
太感谢了!!*bOw*
xD!！
如果不是你教我figure studies 我看啊我会死得比现在还要难看*touch wood*
还有就是帮忙我改我的-.-~~~~ 想法和hmm~算了吧!不要感谢你太多等一下你的病会发作！：3。hhehehee


亲爱的小受a.k.a uke-chan - w -+

咱们俩是在the one block M drawing class 1认识的！我想在这里说一声对不起*bow*
因为我的幼稚，可能有造成很多让你为难，让你伤心和不满的事。＜＜我觉得是有很多吧？*死开啦龙平*（本小姐的笔名是龙平）

如果不是因为BAKA 我是不会知道我的幼稚想法而造成的误解.对不起!!!T^T ~~
我也要谢谢你！
如果不是你我看啊我在这个sem是过不到关的咯!我们俩也是可以一直在一起的吗. - w - + hehehe
小受你啊~ 和BAKA 两个其实还满好欺负*hide* 别刹了我XD

我爱死你了小受别讨厌我哦:)

Can't wait till the day we photoshot
- w -+




本小姐我爱死你们俩了!找机会我们三个一起拍照吧：3 good night !!我要睡了！已经3.16am了：） 88

心痛 、难过:'(

好久没用华语字了..
朋友啊.. 为什么我们会变成这样?
难到我们的友情就因为这些小事而画上句号?
我真的很心痛你知道吗? 我不想为了这些事而失去了你。。。
我啊朋友是很多,可是能够相信的.只有那几个。。。
我真的真的不想失去你啊。。。
那一晚，身为朋友的我是不该那样对你的，但是那时候的你是错的, 对你是我的好友但当你错了而不认对不起我不可以当做没事。。。
我觉得自已好傻哦。。
明明下了决心说就算朋友都没得做，我都要改正你。。。就算你把我当成敌人我还是要改正你..
到最后,我发觉到，我舍不得牺牲我们的友情，我好后悔。。。
我很怕失去你。。。
好想把这些事告诉你，可是看来已经太迟了。。。

No.7 needa FORGET !

Can't forget , can't move on , making myself miserable ...

Well maybe the problem is me ?

I'm such a bitch that i can't stop making things worse :/ FML ! I really want to share my problems and stuff but then i realize everytime i did i just make something worse - .- I felt like a freaking LOA which is so not cool n nice !

Finally , you whatsapp me because i decline some event that your beloved AKA my buddy .honestly ,  10 % of me is still angry about what happen that day , and 90 % of me is still sad .. cause i never believed that she would actually do that .. i thought you guys will be different then those i so called FRIENDS last time .. But yeahh it ended up the other way WOOHOOO~! Good for you , i'm the armor again and you guys are SAFE AND SOUND ~! :) YAY ~!

See i'm being a fucking drama queen right now , tears rolling down , heart aching .. WOW can't things get any worse? HAHAHHAHA...

Well after that happen i started to think why the fuck i share things that happen to me to you guys i mean i don't think you guys really give a shit to it right ? I bet everytime i blab to you guys about my stuff ,you guys are thinking "great! here she goes again" Hahaha.... so yea it's pointless and useless right now ..

Thanks to all these that happend to me that changed me ,
I wanted to be the Me in High School .. those days where i really enjoy myself , and those days when i dun reallly know the REAL FACE of everyone ..
I guess things just can't go the way it used to be eih ?
I guess everything is over now ..
I really care for you guys .. but this is what i always get ..
I'm tired of being the joker among you guys..
I guess i'm no different then others now..
Living under a mask ..
Hiding the real me ...


I guess the light in my life have finally dissapear....

PLAYLIST

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

NO.6 never judge a person by their looks

I kinda learnt something today , thanks to that special someone i misunderstand hahaa.. i feel so blardee immature somehow .(thanks alot loveee <3 ) 

 (Another someone i should glad to have as a friend) 

Reading a blog she wrote that i nvr knew that excist made me realize how lucky am i to have such life . I feel guilty bout the ways i treated you for that month i really am sorry .. :( i will do anything to  help you right now no matter what ! i'm going to bring you out from that darkness , i want you to have that feeling that life ain't that suck-ish anymore .. i want to share with you the fun that i have during my high school years ! i'm going to show you the world of happiness that you wanted to be in for those sad freaking years of yours ! 

I swear , you'll love your college life ! :) it's time to make a change ! :))) 

No.5 why izit always me ?

Wow i can't believe it , everything that happens in the past is happening to me again .. Like honestly what have i ever do to deserve this? I love them so much more than a normal friend would , their like my family BUT YEAH THIS IS WHAT I GET ! Being used as an armor ..

I guess maybe i should just avoid everyone of you, so that i could heal that heart of mine ..

I'm sick of all these lies ..

I'M SICK OF BEING THE PERSON WHO CARES ALOT FOR YOU GUYZ 

I'M SICK OF BEING ANYONE'S ARMOR

I'M SICK OF ALL THESE SO CALL FRIENDSHIP! 

it's the final blow . 

i will  no longer be that ching ching i used to be now , 

that ching ching is already dead , and i guess she'll never come back anymore 

 

No.4 What i want you to know..

Sometimes i just want to know what do you really think about me ..

Dear friend of mine ,

I really want to let you know that i honestly care for you , I never want to loose a friend like you . Sometimes i just really want to know what you're feeling , i'm a friend who care for you no matter how much you hate me or think that i'm some type of annoying friend . Why can't you understand that i'm here for you !!

Do you know how i felt when you ignored me today ?i seriously cant stay back , what can I do ?you can say that i'm lazy and all those shitty stuff but I wasn't lying about it .. izit because of me ? because of what happen before that you turn into someone that you are not?To me from the first day i met you , you're like that Happy-Go-Lucky girl , you're that friend that make me feel like " she's the one i can trust in my college life , i must cherish the moment i spend with her " you even made me change into a better person eventhough we just know each other like 3 months .There's something you need to know too , that i really care for you as a friend !If there is something that i made you misunderstand or dislike just tell me ! i rather you tell me then not telling me ... pleaseee just tell me i really am being honest to you everyday ... please ..

no. 3 just get over it

OHMAIGOSH like seriously mom! Just get over it!!!! so what if my blardee result suck? i mean COME ON LA! i seriously done my best ady WAT THE EFF do you want me to do ? i seriously can't do it ma..DIUUUUU.. u always say u freaking understand me but what do you really understand ? You understand nothing about me . Like honestly have you ever like ask me how was class today or anything ? NO~! ITS A BLARDEEE FREAKING NO~! dude seriously this suck!! FML! look down at me and say all shitty things about me I AINT GIVING A SHIT BOUT IT ! You'll regret what you said ! I FREAKING SWEAR !

Day 2 -Restless day

Assignment D:!!

Gahh just notice since i start college i've been like staying up late till 3 am ++~ @.@ imma be an owl soon LOLZ! :)))) i guess it's not a bad thing being an owl right :P ~ owelll~ if u're wondering why well ~ thanks to these assignment ~trust me there are more coming in @.@ gaaah owell ! this is just the first step towards my dream :) i aint gonna give up :DD

I'M GONNA PROVE TO THOSE ASSES THAT I CAN DO IT !!

For now , you can look down on me and tear me down , but bare this in mind that one day you will be wearing things i design and create and you'll be watching advertisment i drew :)

Anywayz~ time to go to bed :D peace out <3

Awesome night :3

Went to ss2 makan roti tisu with ze'shan-boner XD n fengyyy <3 it was fun hehehe got tease n bullied by Shannon on the way to the nasi kandar mamak -3- because of the bump ~~ I made weird funny noises that Shannon can't stop laughing -3- screw youuu !! Right after that we went to mcD :)) nom nom slurp slurp ::)))))) I love sundae strawberry <3 it's just so awesomeeee :) Definitely gonna hang out at night with them again :) it's time for bed now nights !!:))) <3 Here's

a shot of ze awesome roti tisu :3

i know it looks so freaking delicious right?:P

Day1 - I guess that's just how life changes me

lol bwahahah deleted all those horrible post of mine from 2009 ~ can't believe i'm trying to use this blog again . Hahaha i guess cause no one actually give a shit to me anymore that i have to use this and blab out everything that's inside of me :( HAIIH ~

I'm just an ordinary college student who just got her suck-ish result that used to have people and friends who care for her . But yeah~ time flies although its only been 3 months since we officially graduate from high school , it felt like it's been years . Why you ask? hmph it's like all your friends treat u like "OH ~! i used to be her friend " . Honestly , i thought college life would be more fun and friends over there would be more mature and stuff but i was wrong :/ Well not all of them are immature .AIKS !

Friends ? i used to think that friends are really important , and their like more important than my family , but then as time goes by i start to realise that what i used to think is wrong . I've hurt myself so many times till it is uncountable . my heart is full of scars n bruises that that can't seem to heal . Eventhough i'm always surrounded by friends , but that loneliness is still there . Cause i know that no matter how many billion or trillion friends i have , not all of them will always be there for me .

Saddest thing that just hap pend to me recently is that i have been lied by those i considered as family (buddies of mine ) . They just don't understand that it seriously hurt alot everytime they lie to me . Dont you guyz know how does it feel like? Just imagine one day if one of your best friend who you really trust the most lied to you , and you just act stupid not wanting him or her to know that you knew she or he was lying . Have you ever felt that pain before ? Have you?

I noticed that i'm changing into someone i'm not . I get all pissy so easily , i get mad easily and all those bad habit that i never did wanted to show you guyz last time .There's always a limit to everything yea know . i guess you guyz just blew the limit away so yea all these started to appear again . Sigh~ sometimes i just want to ask you guys these really simple question .

What am i to you?

Am i just a tool to you? A tool when u needed me only you will notice me and then put me aside when you dont need me ?

This is what you guyz are making me feel you know ? i dont wanna get hurt anymore . So yea i guess i cant be the same old Chingstah anymore .