Day1 - I guess that's just how life changes me

lol bwahahah deleted all those horrible post of mine from 2009 ~ can't believe i'm trying to use this blog again . Hahaha i guess cause no one actually give a shit to me anymore that i have to use this and blab out everything that's inside of me :( HAIIH ~

I'm just an ordinary college student who just got her suck-ish result that used to have people and friends who care for her . But yeah~ time flies although its only been 3 months since we officially graduate from high school , it felt like it's been years . Why you ask? hmph it's like all your friends treat u like "OH ~! i used to be her friend " . Honestly , i thought college life would be more fun and friends over there would be more mature and stuff but i was wrong :/ Well not all of them are immature .AIKS !

Friends ? i used to think that friends are really important , and their like more important than my family , but then as time goes by i start to realise that what i used to think is wrong . I've hurt myself so many times till it is uncountable . my heart is full of scars n bruises that that can't seem to heal . Eventhough i'm always surrounded by friends , but that loneliness is still there . Cause i know that no matter how many billion or trillion friends i have , not all of them will always be there for me .

Saddest thing that just hap pend to me recently is that i have been lied by those i considered as family (buddies of mine ) . They just don't understand that it seriously hurt alot everytime they lie to me . Dont you guyz know how does it feel like? Just imagine one day if one of your best friend who you really trust the most lied to you , and you just act stupid not wanting him or her to know that you knew she or he was lying . Have you ever felt that pain before ? Have you?

I noticed that i'm changing into someone i'm not . I get all pissy so easily , i get mad easily and all those bad habit that i never did wanted to show you guyz last time .There's always a limit to everything yea know . i guess you guyz just blew the limit away so yea all these started to appear again . Sigh~ sometimes i just want to ask you guys these really simple question .

What am i to you?

Am i just a tool to you? A tool when u needed me only you will notice me and then put me aside when you dont need me ?

This is what you guyz are making me feel you know ? i dont wanna get hurt anymore . So yea i guess i cant be the same old Chingstah anymore .